Sunday, October 1st

It's funny, I have not had this in a long time - it's real talk deprivation. I talk to a lot of people but there is a difference between talking and really talking, talking about how you feel, how the other feels, how the week has gone, how the past month has been and how life is in general. I have not done that for ages and it makes me unhappy (which I think is a shame, I should enjoy my time here, but this weekend I have really not felt very happy). There really is enough I can do, I could have gone to Amherst this weekend, I can let out the dogs, go shopping, take myself for a hike, work (which I should) or just read. And some of that I can even do with other people, so what's the problem? The real talk I guess, the being with someone who actually cares for you. T and D are spending a lot of time just the 2 of them and then I worry they have gone off me because I have been less fun these past 2 weeks (stress and having fun with me are not good combinations). ANd I need them, because, in a premature way (we don't know one another that well), they do care.
Anyway, what did I do today. I left for a hike in the pouring rain, absolute downpours. There were 7 of us prepared to endure the rain (well 2 were leading the tour). It was kind of American style, so they had walkie talkies (just to communicate to one another, the group being so big - not), a survival guide for if anything went wrong, they were in communication with another person who was more senior and walking in the same nature reserve (just a wood with a kliff in the middle), we were stopped and told we should drink every now and then so as not to get dehydrated etc., you get the jist of things. It was nice to go on a hike again but I think next time I organize my own. And then I got back late because the guides got lost and I had the football match to play in. SO I rushed home, changed and ran out the door again. Only to get to the university and not be allowed to play. As an affiliate member it seems I have to become a member of the gym. THe fact that I had already played in 2 matches 'illegally' did not matter, neither the fact that they admitted it was their mistake but that no I could not sign up at the gym right now, that was only possible during the week. I argued, I got angry, nothing helped. And this time it was not the liability issues, it was policy (unfair to all the other people who do pay membership... I could have punched him). So I stood watching my team lose for 40 minutes. We only lost because the defense was weak once, and if I had been there I would have been there. GRRRR. So that's the end of the soccer for the season. I could take part in a women's football team but I don't really think I would enjoy that very much. So I guess it's back to evenings at home again now.